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Part Two: The Real Root of Trauma Is Emotional Disconnection — Not the Past Itself
How Corporal Punishment, Emotional Misattribution, and Self-Rejection Create Lifelong Dysfunction
 
Trauma doesn’t begin with pain. It begins with disconnection.
In harsh or neglectful childhood environments — especially where corporal punishment is used or where children are exposed to overwhelmed caregivers or predators — a child has no ability to process the intensity of their emotional experience.

The child can’t reject the parent.
 The parent is the source of food, safety, survival.
 So the child does the only thing it can:

It rejects its own emotions.

Because the emotion hurts, and the child can’t escape the source, the only defense left is to disconnect from the emotional signal itself. This is the earliest form of self-rejection.
 
Why Corporal Punishment is Catastrophic
Corporal punishment doesn’t just hurt physically. It sends a clear message:

“When you feel something and act on it — I will hurt you.”

So the child learns not to act on emotion.
 Eventually, they stop feeling it altogether — or they only feel the fear and shame attached to it. And over time, the child comes to believe that their emotions are dangerous.

This creates a lifelong emotional feedback loop:

“When I feel something, something bad happens.”

“If I feel bad, it must be my fault.”

“The only way to feel safe is to not feel at all.”

This is the formation of trauma.
 Not the event.
 Not the spanking.
 Not the scream.
 But the self-rejection that follows.
 
Disconnected Adults Aren’t “Traumatized” — They’re Unintegrated
Fast forward.

The child becomes an adult — often highly functional on the surface. But inside, they are fragmented. They suppress, medicate, or chase emotions, depending on whether they want them or not.

They may even build entire lives around seeking specific feelings and rejecting others:

Love = chase the high

Anger = medicate it away

Sadness = avoid it entirely

Loneliness = form compulsive attachments

But here’s the real problem:

Emotions are not meant to be embraced or rejected.
 They are meant to be understood.
 They are messages from the self to the self.

If you reject them — or only pursue the ones you like — you are functionally severing communication with yourself.
 
No Relationship With Self = No Relationship With Anyone
And this is why people with personality disorders — or even just unprocessed emotional wounds — can’t sustain healthy relationships.

They aren’t rejecting you.
 They are disconnected from themselves.
 They’re not choosing dysfunction. They are reacting to the only system they’ve ever known — a system where emotions equal pain and disconnection is the only safety.

This can look like:

Inability to parent consistently

Cycling through toxic relationships

Emotional outbursts followed by emotional numbness

Idealization followed by rejection

Constant pursuit of distraction, stimulation, or validation

 
The False Story That Keeps the Pain Alive
Here’s the kicker:

Most adults in pain still believe their pain is because they were “not loved enough as a child.”

This belief is deeply embedded in trauma narratives — and it’s wrong.

Your emotional pain is not caused by a lack of love.
 It’s caused by a disconnection from yourself — a rupture that formed when you rejected your own emotions in childhood to survive.

This misattribution — believing others caused your feelings — is what sustains the pain. And it doesn’t stop with the past. We carry it into romantic relationships, parenting, and even self-worth.

We think people “make us happy.”

We think partners “hurt our feelings.”

We think we “need closure” to heal.
 All false.
 All distractions from the real issue: You’re not talking to yourself anymore.

 
Oxytocin, Dependency, and the Illusion of “The One”
Because we don’t know how emotions work, we mistake chemical highs for connection.

We meet someone.
 Feel euphoria (oxytocin spike).
 Assume that person is “the one.”
 Then, when the euphoria fades, we believe they’re “hurting us” — not realizing the emotional crash is just the absence of the drug we didn’t know we were on.

This is how emotional dependency forms.
 And how it locks people into cycles of abuse, confusion, and longing.
 
The Way Out
The only way out of this suspended state is to:

Stop rejecting emotions.
 Don’t label them good or bad. Listen to them.

Stop believing they’re about other people.
 Emotions aren’t social reports. They’re system messages.

Understand that trauma isn’t a life sentence.
 It’s an interrupted message.

And once the signal is restored, the self can begin to develop — for real.
 
Compassion for the Disconnected
People who have no relationship with themselves and can’t maintain connections with others are not broken or bad. They are stuck. They are trying to solve their pain through dopamine, control, relationships, or distraction.

They are not rejecting you.
 They are rejecting the pain inside themselves.

We must offer compassion — but also clarity.
 Not all relationships can continue.
 But understanding what’s really happening can stop the cycle of blame, shame, and unnecessary estrangement.
 
Return to Part One: When Generational Trauma Isn’t What You Think It Is